#(fei elsie istg not that kind of heartstrings)

[iciatheguardess]

Icia opens her eyes, blinking uncomfortably to the bright light around her.

She groans a little, rubbing her back as she stretches out in the hardly padded chair. Compared to how she remembers falling asleep- in a large, cozy bed with a warm comforter, wrapped in Lance's arms- she feels as if she had been sleeping on rocks.

Icia stands, cracking her back with a wince and rubbing her eyes until she can properly see around..... the sight makes her blood run cold.

A hospital.

Icia feels her stomach churn and heart race until she glances down. The floor is clean and enough for her to vaguely see her reflection.... not a single piece of ice holding her to the ground. Not a single speck of frost sparkling on her socks.

Icia relaxes just slightly. This is a dream, thank goodness. She's still disturbed and afraid, anxious as always, and she's probably frozen both Lance and at least one of the cats to the bed, but at least this all is just a dream.

Balling her fists and closing her eyes, Icia tries to wake up. If she focuses enough, she'll wake up, and maybe she'll be able to break out of the ice and get the bed dried up before Lance wakes up...

A few seconds. Nothing. A minute. Nothing. A couple more minutes, and still nothing.

Why isn't this working? Icia thinks, lips pursing in frustration. I always wake up after a few seconds, a minute at most. Come on, come on, I have to.... to...

.... wait.... why am I even here?

Good question. Icia's dreams mostly- no, always took place in either a forest, clouds, a coastal city, a house, the Kingdom, or her favorite: anywhere with her loved ones. The bright, modern hospital was none of those, and Icia found herself alone in the hall that stretched so far it faded into a haze in both directions.

There are a couple chairs along the walls, open for equipment or rolling carts or doors. Icia notes that all the doors are blocked out with blinds, and more than likely locked...

Except for the closest door. The one next to the chair she woke up in. It's wide open, to... well, a hospital room. Nothing special. Icia peers inside.... the room is somewhat dimmer than the hall, a welcome sight for her slightly strained eyes. All she can see at the moment is the window ahead of her, blinds rolled up to show the tips of empty branches against the pitch black sky.

She steps inside and peers around the corner. The room is quite a bit bigger than she expected, or maybe that's because there's nothing in the room except a single empty bed and monitor. But someone stands out among the white, blank interior.

"Starro??"

He whips around, stumbling back and crashing into the monitor. It clangs against the wall, a stray wire getting caught around part of his leg, which prompts him to jerk it forward. Before Icia knows it, Starro is on the ground with the monitor on the ground next to him, and a wire around his leg.

"Ow.... I'm- I'm okay... fuck, that hurt more than I thought it would..." Starro groans, grabbing blindly until his hand catches the wire and he throws it off. Icia kneels down in front of him, helping him stand up.

"Are you sure you're not hurt?"

"Yeah, I'm sure... just didn't expect to see you here."

Icia starts to question this 'dream' of hers. Starro seems a bit too.... real. She notes that her senses aren't hazy as they are in normal dreams. He feels real. The cold ground feels real. Everything feels real..... too real.

"I didn't expect to be here."

"Yeah.... I don't know what's going on either. But this dream, it just... it's... different."

"It feels oddly similar to being transported to the kingdom by magic, in my opinion. It all feels uncomfortably real, but not all certain either..."

"Yeah. Kinda."

Icia looks her friend up and down... Starro doesn't meet her eye, rather looking at the bed to their side. His stars, all of them, are a deep, ocean blue... a vivid hue Icia's seldom seen. It causes her worry to grow once again.

"Where are we?" She asks.

"Hospital."

Icia internally curses herself for asking such an obvious question.

"... why are we here?"

Starro remains silent for, maybe 10 seconds at most. It feels more like 10 minutes.

".... I dunno."

His voice cracks, and he visibly swallows back a cry or sob. Icia reaches forward and takes his hand, causing him to glance back in her direction.

"Starro.... what's going on...?"

"... I don't know. You're never here before."

"Before? Is... this a dream of yours? Are... is this something recurring?"

"S-sometimes...." He looks down, sniffling and trembling.

Icia takes his other hand and leans down a bit to try and meet his eyes. She doesn't know what to ask, or what to say... so she stands in silence and waits for Starro to say something else, anything else.

Eventually, he looks up at the dim-ish ceiling light, shakily sighing. "God, where do I even start...?"

"Here, let's.. take a seat and talk. Hm?" Icia motions to the bed. It looks comfortable to sit down on, considering there're no seats in the room, but Starro sinks to the ground and hugs his knees tight. Alright, that works too, I suppose... She kneels down as well.

Starro stares down at the ground, clearly trying to figure out how to say this or even start. Icia waits patiently, hands no longer holding his and rather one on his shoulder. He always does seem to do better with physical affection.

"... yeah. This is my dream.....a memory."

"Are you comfortable saying what it is...? What usually happens...?"

He swallows again. "... it varies. But it's always in this room. Sometimes, there's someone in the bed. Sometimes I'm just... just folding sheets."

Icia nods a bit.

"..... I kind of wish you could remember this place too. You weren't here, though."

".... what exactly is that supposed to mean? Starro??"

Icia stares at him, perplexed and surprised. He looks back at her with tears streaking down his stars.

"......."

".... Starro.... please- tell me what's going on.... what do you mean I wasn't there?"

"You were missing."

"Missing...??? What do you mean?"

The hospital around them suddenly changes and morphs.... as if adding water to a painting, the colors and shapes twist and contort until the room has fully changed. It's.... a meeting room?

Icia suddenly stands, looking around anxiously. Definitely some kind of meeting room... and judging by the emblem on the wall, a police meeting room.

Starro notices the room as well, holding himself tighter. This place definitely holds some bad memories....

Before Icia can ask, she hears yelling from outside. Very loud, very muffled, very angry yelling. Starro squeezes his hands over his ears, he doesn't want to hear any more.

Icia walks to the door and presses her ear against it. Curses be to the twisted non-logic of the dream world, it doesn't help the clarity of the argument.... but she does manage to catch a few sentences.

"Mia, love, please...."

"DON'T YOU 'Mia, love' ME!!! --------.... ------- GOD WILL BRING HER HOME, SAFE AND SOUND!!!"

Icia freezes. The voices sound..... oddly familiar. But from where...?

...... are they.... talking about.... me?

She looks back at Starro, who's still shaking and trying his damndest to block out the yelling. But before she can get to him, a speck of blue on the table catches her eye.

She only has to scan the picture on the file for a second before she recognizes it. She recognizes the tan skin, the bandana, the blue-and-black hair and the scar under her left eye.

The girl from the mirror room.

Her.

The screaming fades into nothing more than a hollow ringing in Icia's ears as her stomach begins aching once again and adrenaline shoots up. Why is her picture on this file? What even is this place? What does Starro know?

She exhales shakily. She has to know.

".... Starro."

He doesn't say anything or move.

"Tell me why we're here."

"......"

She starts asking more questions.

"What do you mean I'm missing?"

"....."

"Who's yelling outside?"

"...."

"What do you know that I don't?"

"..."

".... who are you?"

".."

".... who am I?"

".... Vivian...."

Icia looks back at the folder, reaching out with a trembling hand. The picture slowly slides off as she opens the page....

Only to be met with yet another picture of the same girl. And a caption.

"Vivianna Lucia Marino"

Icia stares at the girl in the picture.... if her face wasn't as horror stricken as it is, she may have confused it for a reflection.

If.... this is me.... and.... does that mean..... I'm.... Vivianna? No.... that doesn't sound right....

Vivian? Am I Vivian?

*ding*

[MEMORIES STATUS: RESTORED.]

Icia's eyes widen as the realization kicks in and she snaps back. They're no longer in the meeting room, but rather, a house. Specifically, a small and homely kitchen. Starro stands up, confused about the new location.

"...... this was our home......" Icia whispers, lips curling into a tiny smile. She drags her hands over the wood counters and checkered towels draped over the oven handle. The overhead lights flicker slightly, although it's hardly noticeable among the fake candles illuminating each corner.

She recognizes this place from some of her dreams, dreams of cleaning and laughter, and delicious food....... but also dreams of yelling. Fighting. Screaming. A defensive feeling, almost like walking on eggshells, pools through Icia's whole system.

Her fingers brush against a metal picture frame on the counter, and she picks it up.... this picture has always been blurry before. But now, it's so clear.

A family photo, on a beach seemingly. The mother of the photo stands tall and proud, with piercing eyes and a short haircut, an older man behind her. His glasses are a bit crooked, and his smile is meek.

But who Icia notices the most are the two teenagers with their mother's arms around their shoulders: an older girl and a younger boy. The girl is undoubtedly Vivian, given the blue hair and bandana... the boy looks somewhat similar, with black hair and a freckled grin so big you'd think it's his birthday.

Memories flood Icia's mind as the puzzle slowly completes itself. She looks towards Starro, unable to see the tears in his eyes through her own.

"..... I'm Vivian...."

He nods.

"And that means.... you're...."

"... Tonio.....?"

He nods again, choking on a sob. She sees a streak of yellow flash through his stars, only to be immediately washed out by deep blue.

"I've wanted to tell you for so long..."

Icia tries to keep her voice from trembling as much as her hands.

"How long have you known?"

"Since Raina..."

"Tonio, you should've told me you knew."

"I‐ I didn't know how...." He buries his face in his hands, failing to wipe away the tears pouring down his face. "I was so... fucking stuck on the idea that I'd know my sister when I saw her, but when... when the thing with Raina happened.... I heard you.... and I heard me.... and we were talking. In the real world. As Viv and Antonio.

"I knew it meant something.... and I kinda pieced it together.... but after the talk during the festival, and what I said..... I.... I couldn't bring myself to do it. Y-you've been right here the whole time Viv. You... you knew. You fucking knew, that's why you called me your brother from the start, isn't it?"

Icia's heart cracks a bit more as sobs escape Starro.

"I can't believe I didn't see it from the start, I was so stupid... this whole fucking time, the only reason I came here was to bring you home, and you were here the whole damn time-"

"Wait. Hold on a minute."

Icia sets down the picture and walks over to him, barely holding back tears. "Tonio, you came here for me...?"

Starro nods timidly.

"How long was I missing?!"

".... four years, by the time I left."

"But everything you worked for!!! The choir, the dance team, the theater, color guard, gymnastics- what about it?!"

"Ma pulled me out of it all."

"I thought Dad was funding it all, though! He had that say, not her!!!"

A few seconds of silence go by before Starro breaks down, gripping Icia's arms.

"Papa didn't make it, Viv. His heart couldn't take it. He died a couple years after you disappeared."

Icia feels her heart sink as the tears breach her eyes. She clutches her stomach with one hand and tries to hold Starro up with the other, although failing as her knees buckle and she falls to the ground. The kitchenscape around her starts to break, large black cracks tearing through the walls and cabinets.

".... Antonio, stop lying to me, no he didn't. He didn't, he didn't, he didn't, STOP LYING TO ME. PAPA IS ALIVE. HE'S WAITING FOR US, HE'S WAITING, HE'S... he's..."

Starro's sobs grow into wails as he shakes his head, unable to form words as he hugs Icia. She stares ahead blankly, tears racing down her face and soaking into Starro's fur. Her mind is numb with sudden grief, refusing to believe he's actually gone.

".... g-gone.... he's gone Vivian..."

He must be. Antonio never lied about death. And he'd certainly never lie about their father.

"..... I didn't even get to say goodbye...." She whispers, hands making their way over and around Starro. She pulls him in tighter, feeling the room grow tighter as chips and pieces of the dream fly off into oblivion.

"Everything got worse when you left for your stupid job," he cries. "I couldn't stop Ma and Dad from arguing. Not like you. She was so sure you would come back, that God would bring you home..."

Icia clenches her teeth. "Isn't that just like her..."

"She wouldn't listen. Dad wanted to stop searching after the first year. It was killing us all, and he knew it. She wouldn't listen to him. We all were fighting daily. I did everything to distract myself from you... drinks, parties, sex, all of it... that got me kicked off some teams.

"And then Dad just..... died. And Ma was so done with him by that point that she couldn't even stand my face, so she took all her anger for him out on me. She forced me out of everything else I was in. She tried sending me to some conversion camp. Tried taking all of my clothes because I wasn't enough of a man, 'just like my papa'. She did everything to try and just.... strip me of me, and replace you."

Icia can barely focus on his words, she's trying too hard to not be sick.

"... wh.... what happened next?"

"... I sent Ma to a dementia home. She tried attacking me, kept calling me by our Dad's name, and said she never wanted to see me again. And.... one of the few friends I had left told me about something I could buy from the black market. A headset. From C&A."

Icia nods.... she sees where this is going.

Starro tries to continue through painful sobs and wheezes as he struggles to catch his breath.

"I had to find you, Viv, I had to bring you home. Ma was gone. Dad was gone. You were gone. Everyone I lived for was gone, I couldn't stay around bearing the weight of not knowing where you were. If I was going to do anything with myself, I was going to find you and maybe get you home."

The walls of the kitchen and house completely rip away into the void, leaving only the floor that the two are laying on. Tile after tile, the space shrinks.

"I'm so sorry Vivian, I didn't want it to be like this, I should have stopped you from ever going to work for these monsters who took you and ripped our family apart...."

Icia pulls back from the hug and reaches forward, taking her brother's cheek and wiping some tears away. He jumps a bit, shocked, as she shakes her head sadly.

"It's not your fault, Tonio. None of this is your fault. You have nothing to apologize for..."

"..... I could have done so much more though."

"You were a child. You weren't even 15 when I went under."

"........"

She gives him a bittersweet smile as she feels the tiles directly around them start to give way.

"..... it's just us now, Viv. It's just us two. And we aren't even in the real world, we're just.... here."

".... I know."

Starro looks down at the few tiles keeping them up in the pitch black before looking at Icia again.

".... We're never going home, are we....?"

She shakes her head, tears soaking into her skirt as she smiles more.

"Oh Tonio, I don't think you get it.... there is a difference between a house and a home. A home has our family. Our friends. Our loves. Our safety. Our comfort. This is... only a house now."

He tilts his head a bit, as only 2 tiles remain.

"What do you mean....?"

Icia's smile grows bright and genuine through her tears as she squeezes his hand right before they fall.

"I mean we're already home, Tonio."

The remaining tiles fly out from underneath both people, and they start falling through the void.

Icia's panic once again sets in as she doesn't dare let Starro go. The two fall through the endless expanse, spinning, plummeting faster, and faster, and faster....

.... until Icia wakes up with a scream.

Her eyes don't need to adjust to the dark for her to see mounds and mounds of ice everywhere... it's all over Lance, all over the sheets, under Icia, it looks as if she had a proper mental breakdown just now.

Which, Icia supposes she did.

She feels her tearstained face with one hand and breaks ice off of Lance with the other... he stirs slightly, but doesn't wake up. Of course he wouldn't wake up....

That's not her concern right now though. She needs to find Starro. She doesn't care that it's the middle of their agreed upon 'nighttime', she needs to find her brother now. Knowing him, if he's woken up as well then he has the exact same idea as her.

Icia gets up and grabs her cape. The ice over her pajamas certainly doesn't help with her shivering, as she slips her feet into the first pair of shoes she sees (aka, a pair of slippers that belongs to Lance) and gets ready to leave.

She pauses before she does so however, and looks back at Lance. The majority of that ice is going to melt and make a mess.... even if more of it dries by the time he wakes up, there's no way all of this will be fully gone by the time he does.

Icia rummages around as quietly as she can for everything. A dry comforter and sheets, a hairdryer, and all the towels she can find. She sets them all on the least iced piece of furniture in the room- her vanity chair- before writing a note. Even in the dark, she knows exactly what to write.

"I'll try and be home before you wake up. If not, here is everything you may need to clean up (although hopefully, when you do, most of it will have evaporated). I had a breakdown and iced the room. I'm sorry, but I need to find Starro. If you need me, I will be with him. Ti amo, mio re. I will be home soon, take care.

Love, Icia"

Icia leaves the note open on top of the stack of towels before hurrying down the stairs, not caring to keep her footsteps quiet as she goes downstairs with a towel. She gives it to both cats (who are soaking wet from melted ice) and makes sure they're alright before finally leaving her house, closing the door, and racing towards the circus tent.